Tag Archives: soul journey

Could You Forgive Someone Who Killed A Member Of Your Family?

It’s funny how some things you do, and the ways you behave, are observed by others.

Sometimes you are very unaware of them because you never even had the chance to question or contemplate your behaviour and actions in relation to it. It isn’t until someone reminds you of them or acknowledges your actions that you realise what you have actually done, and how a big transformation has happened in your life.

My life was so hard, even though as a company director I was earning the most money I ever had. I was my own boss, and I ticked all the boxes I thought I needed in my career, working in the city of London “making it”. I was running in the hamster wheel and not understanding why something was missing, and why I felt so damn empty.

My life sure took a turn in December 2011. On the 9th of December, one week before I was going back home to Brazil for Christmas, looking forward to seeing my family, an unexpected event changed everything. Some things you feel with your soul but you’re not sure why; on the Friday I was talking about my brother and how righteous he was, and that he was one of the few policeman in the world I’d put my hand in the fire for.

Family Photo one of the last times I saw my brother still alive
From right to left – Leonardo my brother, his wife Elaine, My sister Vanessa , and me Sabrina

When the telephone rang and I heard my mother’s voice trembling I knew something terrible had happened. She passed the phone to my father who said, “ Your Brother has been killed”.

Those words, the ones you never forget, they don’t even sound real because of the absurdity of them. I couldn’t believe it, because in a week he should be picking me up from the airport.  It was like the world stopped turning. The screaming, the crying, I was in London so far away with no one from my family around to hold on to. My mother spoke again and she said call for him and ask for him to calm you down. So I sat on my sofa and this yellow aura-like energy took over my sobbing and my panic, and I was numbed but calm. I truly felt his energy, just like I’m feeling it right now writing this article.

He was cowardly shot dead while working, as a Federal police member it was not a common act. I saw it on TV , I watched the videos online not only of his death but also watched the people who killed him being captured.

 Here it is, online for everyone to see it, It was like watching a movie and it didn’t look real at all but it sure felt real.

Here is when they killed him:

Here is When they caught the murderess:

The people who killed my brother are now in jail, they where sentenced to 26 to 30 years in prison.

Trust me, I don’t like going over this atrocity, but it is part of the point I’m trying to make, the point of transformation in which I am now.

His death has taught me so much, it really has. Incredibly, our connection has increased after his passing and the message it carried really played a major part in changing my life. After his death I went on a journey of starting to learn how to live, how to appreciate life, how to connect with my soul, discovering the truth beyond death, and learning how to forgive.

Yes, learning how to forgive.

It wasn’t until the beginning of this year that I had the chance to contemplate the forgiving. I was watching a documentary called The Dhamma Brothers, where prison inmates take part in a Vipasana meditation programme and go within themselves to understand, to learn, and to forgive.

While watching it, for the first time, I really felt compassion for prisoners. I mean, I always knew society, the childhood story and life itself play a major part in how a human being can turn out and make bad choices. But I never really experienced it in my life. It’s easy to blame it on the system and then say people had no choice when you are not involved in it. But when your dear brother is murdered, well then it’s personal. It made me understand how sad they truly must be inside, how desperate, how dark, and if they had the chance to deeply contemplate their actions, they would know what their actions have done to others, so how would they live with themselves? Well, they would have to have the true courage to forgive themselves for it.

So who am I to even be in the position of judging or forgiving them? They already have their own burden to deal with. I could not even imagine myself carrying it. I could only feel compassion for them. Yes I have forgiven them, but again it’s really not my place as they have to forgive themselves, once they came across their Truth, they will have the understanding.

So yes, I have changed and this gift of forgiveness is not really mine to give to them. I have a hard enough time learning how to forgive myself for everything I do and did. I carry my own burden, not only from this life. Who am I to judge others? It’s not my place. I can only send them love and prayers.

In my transformational process, I gained understanding during an Ayahuasca ceremony. I too was in hell, and I too had to face my demons. I had to see the darkness. Being in this other dimension where you are surrounded by demons, I understood the lower frequencies and distorted emotions that make us prisoners of self. It was a very hard lesson, but I asked to see. When it got too hard, I called for help. I said I have seen enough, please bring me back. Once again that familiar smile came over. Glowing in shimmering light, his hand grabbed mine, and he said come with me I’ll bring you back. My brother grabbed my hand once again, we met in the spiritual world and he pulled me back to this reality.

Taking Ayahuasca had a big impact in my heart opening, and it accelerated my transformational process. I sure have a lot to explore in relation to this experience, but I’ll save it for other articles.

So yes, I have to be really thankful to my brother Leonardo Valgas dos Santos, for his lessons and for his courage.

Forgiving is a powerful thing. So I leave you with this to ponder about.

In Memory of my beloved brother whom is always watching over, Leonardo Leon Valgas dos Santos.

Thank you for reading,

Love and Light

Sabrina  Santos

There are many articles on this crime and they are mostly in Portuguese. It was on TV constantly in our city when it happened http://ndonline.com.br/florianopolis/noticias/55188-assassinato-de-policial-rodoviario-em-2011-vai-a-julgamento-na-segunda-feira.html