Are you running around in circles? Keeping busy asking no questions?
It’s hard to believe, but a lot of people live under their own shadow. Afraid to shine, afraid of what they could have been.They have no idea who they truly are. They have absorbed their own existence through the eyes of their external reality – they judge themselves through the eyes of everyone else but themselves.I guess it might be very hard to imagine a world where there is no one else but you. Because so many of us let everything else have such an impact in our essence.
But if it was the case, and you were the only human left on the planet with no one else to talk to or interact with, it doesn’t mean you would fade into non-existence; you would be still you, having to deal with a lot of yourself.However, living through other people’s opinion of ourselves is normally what we experience. We were programmed like that, so it’s not a surprise.
I’ve been and still am absorbed in the Hamster Wheel. It’s hard to stop running in the wheel, when it’s all we know and it’s all we have had.
Until BANG! Life shakes you out of it. It hits you in the head so hard that it forces you to get out for a moment and look around.
I know very much about those moments, I’ve had plenty of those. But that’s not what I want to talk about today.I want to explore this crazy frenzy of running like a rodent in circles like there is nothing else out there for me. Pretending I’m content with whatever crumbs I find on the way.Back to the Hamster Wheel … Whenever I fell out of it – because life had hit me in the head -I had the chance to look around from outside the Wheel and try to make some sense of why I have been there running round and round all this time.There is no questioning about why you are in the wheel, no time to ask – while you are running it.
But hey! When things get bad and you fall out of it, the minimum you can do is to question why you were there in the first place.You might try to change things around and stick to a plan and make sure you don’t get back in it, but unfortunately for me, all the previous times I was on the floor looking at the wheel, with my big hamster eyes, trying to find a meaning for the whole thing, I got sucked back into it, started running, and forgot all about my questions.It wasn’t until recently that life hit me hard enough to shake things up so much that the wheel was no longer working and I had a chance to stay out of it for a while – against my will of course.They say pain teaches you.
Death has this power.. It’s overwhelming, it changes things..Death puts things into perspective, it shows you how powerless you can be and how fragile life can be.It does make you wonder if you are doing things right, and what is the point in running around in circles.When my brother was murdered I went into shock, and I woke up. At that time in my life I went through so much inner change and discovery that I didn’t want to hop back on the wheel.
I knew for a fact my time was limited and I didn’t even know how long I had. For all I know tomorrow is no guarantee.It got me thinking about all my dreams that I left behind, all the passion I had in me and what I have been doing about it. Chasing my happiness in the wrong places without even knowing who I was.Outside of the Wheel, I started questioning who I was and who I am now.It made me look back and realise that everything I had been scared of wasn’t about living a meaningless life – because I’ve always done so much and also gave my best to live it fully and do things with no regrets. I was very scared because I didn’t know who I was.
I was afraid of embracing my own dreams and allowing myself to live them.So yes.. I woke up, I got out of the Wheel – I still have to hop on it from time to time .. But I refuse to stay there.I want to live, I want to get to know who I am, and I want to change the world and myself. I want to make a difference. Not for anyone else – but for myself.I’m nowhere near getting there, but the journey is ahead and I have started to walk it.
How about you?
Thanks for reading,
Love and Light,