“Wherever you go ,go with your heart”_ Confucius
Silly Heart, Frenetic Heart, Wise Heart.
Right, let’s do this. Probably not the easiest thing I have ever written about, but it certainly has to be expressed. I’m not even quite sure how to go about this experience; let’s say I’m just reporting it.
It was February 14th 2015; I was on my way home, looking forward to writing, and editing the videos and pictures of our Valentine’s Day filming, when I got this Facebook notification that totally messed up my evening.
It was pretty much like being at the edge of a cliff and left with no other option but to jump.
Maybe you need to know a little on the background situation here…
See, I really believe that the world is in need of love, and people willing to open their hearts to it.
Earlier that Valentine’s Day we were filming near Piccadilly Circus. Our task was to ask people to send love messages to their loved ones or to the world. The message with the best social media results was to receive an Amazon voucher as a prize.
Being such a Love missionary, I was a bit let down and disappointed by the fact that a lot of people didn’t want to send their love to the ones that matter in their life. Not even to friends or family, they were more interested in taking pictures with our massive heart balloon props. In fact, some wanted to pay to take a picture with the prop, but would refuse to send a small message of love on Valentine’s Day.
Here is the prop so you know what I’m talking about: (cute prop, I know).
Okay, fair enough, people are afraid of expressing themselves – afraid of exposure. I just thought it would have been much easier to find people interested in sharing love on Valentine’s Day. At the end, we found some brave ones that were able to do it. Their videos are on our YouTube channel:
It sure got me thinking …
If I’m putting all this effort into getting people to open up their hearts and if they are refusing to do so, something must be wrong with my vibration. If the law of attraction is correct, and like attracts like… Right?
So, what was really happening inside myself? Why was I reflecting/manifesting an unsatisfactory result?
Back to the Facebook alert (right I’m doing this – courage).
So, my plans were to stay home or maybe meet some of my friends in Central London. I was quite happy to stay in and focus on writing and editing the videos for the website launch of the Power Within Us etc. (it’s a project I’m running).
But when I saw on my notifications that the guy I have been “in Love” with for the past 3 months was nearby, things took a sudden turn of events…
Something rather strange happened.
My heart went totally crazy, it started vibrating, beating so fast and strong it was absolutely overwhelming.
I could hear its voice loud and clear saying, “This is it! He is nearby, let’s go and see him. It’s Valentine’s Day, we must go and take a chance.”
See … I immediately panicked! I was pacing up and down my flat trying to calm myself down, I was alone at home and had to take full consideration of my heart’s request and make the right decision.
My first thoughts were:
“Wait a second! We are no longer dating, you haven’t seen him in a month, things didn’t end well; and not only that, you already have a set date to catch you with him this coming week, there is no need to stalk the poor guy and act like a crazy person – you might freak him out even more. After all, he already stated he is no longer interested in you.“
Reason was speaking now, and I was letting my mind analyse every possible outcome and try to predict losses and the impact of my actions.
But once again my heart spoke:
“How pathetic of you Sabrina, preaching to the world that people should open their hearts and declare their love and feelings to others when you can’t even get past your mind and follow what I’m telling you to do.”
And BOOM! Something clicked! I wasn’t connected to my heart.
You know those moments, right? When life rips off the blinkers?!
It was like a big slap in the face. Wake up, Wake up, it’s time to make the dream come alive. It’s time to live fully, to listen and follow your heart with no questioning, with no doubts!
Ohhh dear, it was so hard to see it. I was ignoring my feelings and needs, making all sorts of excuses in my mind to why I should not follow my heart and go after what I wanted.
I thought I was losing the plot for a second. I had to sit down and ask again, try to connect to my inner truth (so called higher-self), you know.. Make the right decision..
So the question popped into my head, right from my soul:
“What is the only true thing stopping you from following your heart and not taking a chance to meet this person you truly want to be with?”
And here is the full honest answer: “FEAR!” Fear of rejection, fear of not having my feelings corresponded to, fear of been made fun of, or for acting in a way others would not understand.
Okay, so after this inner chat, there was only one thing to do.
Fear was the only real reason why I would not follow what my heart was demanding me to do. So it was time to be brave and to stop being such a hypocrite.
It’s very easy to carry a massive flag with spirituality written on it, go around and preach:
“Fear is the enemy, love is the answer to everything.”
Then go and launch a project with the intention to change the world into a more open hearted place. But when it comes to you fully acknowledging and being aware of what is happening with your feelings and emotions. When it comes into your personal life and decisions it is not so easy to let go of the fear and do what you preach!
Not this time.
No No, Not this time!
I told my mind to f*ck off (sorry about the language). I said out loud: Fear is not controlling me. It’s my choice, it’s my life, and I’m taking over. And I screamed – AHHHHH!
“I’m listening to you heart, for the first time, I’m not gonna let any doubt, any question or any fear get in the way. I’m going after what you asked me to do and see what happens.”
So, I got ready and marched in my truth. My heart beating so fast, I felt like a hummingbird, weird comparison I know.. I’m weird. I don’t care, that’s what makes me who I am, my full weirdness.
I was so scared and I had no plan, I just went for it. I didn’t know what I was going to say, I didn’t even know if he was still going to be there or if he had gone to another place.
What about if he was with someone else? No no, it did not matter… I was following my heart.
See, back in the day, that would have been a perfect time to have a big double vodka something, but I’m not drinking (I’m on detox) – exactly ! Haaaaarrdddd work!
As I walked in, with no plan and not knowing what was going to happen, I started to feel this inner bliss, I no longer cared for the outcome. I was so happy to be listening to my heart that whatever happened was not longer the point.
See, for once, I got what the enlightened say.. Happiness is in the path .. That’s what it means. It is the process, not the result .
It is to fully embrace your soul desires with no fear.
While I’m at the bar, looking at him from a distance, I didn’t know what to expect. I knew I had to say hi and that’s as far as what my heart had told me to do.
When he came by to talk to me, I could feel my whole body vibrating, what an amazing feeling.
It was so weird to hear his voice from the place I just came from, everything was crystal clear, pure and so bright. He was completely oblivious to what was happening to me in that moment, he had no idea whatsoever what all that meant to me, and how it was setting my heart and soul free.
What I felt was something absolutely new. It wasn’t bad or good. It was stillness bathed in the purity of the soul’s voice.
I didn’t know what was next, I had never taken a fully heart centred action like this before, my Ego has always been en-charge, this time there was no Ego, only love. Unconditional heart energy leading the whole process.
I wish he knew all the complexity that was going on in my universe, and how internal doors were being unlocked.
When he kissed me and touched me, it felt amazing, but again fear and mind started to rationalise everything that was happening. I was once again afraid of the results and what could happen. Nonetheless, I was living in the moment, so I was going to follow my feelings.
After we kissed we agreed to leave together, but just like the wind and fluidity of life, things changed. After a few minutes, something made him change his mind and regret his actions.. Was that a reflection of my second of fear and doubt? Or was it to do with his fear and his doubts? Who knows..
It was all too much for me to deal with. My heart was so wide open it was hard to breathe.
In any case, after saying goodbye and going separate ways, I left with this amazing bliss.
Yes, maybe the outcome was not what I was expecting or maybe I had no expectations.
It was all such a rush of new pure emotions that it was hard to understand what my feelings were.
Sure, it was amazing to have kissed him on Valentine’s day, after not having seen or spoken to him in weeks.. And even when he said he couldn’t be with me it hurt, but everything was so… REAL.
The whole experience was truly amazing.
I clearly remember walking home and my heart was vibrating in this new frequency.
Ever since February 14th, my heart has been cracked open. I can no longer ignore its voice.
All I can do is to be thankful for finally understanding what it means and how it feels to be open hearted and flow from your heart.
You see, when you don’t live fully heartedly, it is as if you have been sipping life from a cup.. Taking small little sips and never fully tasting the flavour. You have only glimpses of the taste.
When you make the leap and have the courage to let go of everything else and follow your dreams, listening to your heart’s truth, you become life itself, you drawn in its flavour, connecting with the source. Everything is magical and so alive.
All I can say is that I wish you nothing less.
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart” –Helen Keller
People have no idea how absolutely utterly completely undeniably amazing is to do something from your heart, something pure, something complete, that is your truth.
When you walk on your truth standing high and tall with your arms open and you listen to your heart without questioning, without judging, without letting anything else come between you and your heart and what you truly believe in –It’s just unbelievably amazing, there are no words, it’s just magical.
Thanks for reading,
Love and Light,