“Love doesn’t need reason. It speaks from the irrational wisdom of the heart.” _ Deepak Chopra
In Conflict, that’s how we live most of the time.
Not with anyone else, but with ourselves. In fact, the only reason we have conflicts with others is because we first have an internal aspect of ourselves that we do not accept.
So, we grow into fighting with our own existence. We fight against time, every minute we live is a minute taken away from our life. Right? We are accustomed to the idea that one day “this life” as we know it will be over and it will no longer exist. So what is the point?
Since I was a little girl, I have had this crazy urge to know why we are here. If we are gonna die.. What is the point? Okay, if we are spirits.. souls.. why are we here? Where did we come from? How was the universe created? Is there a God? Where is he/she?
What is the point? Where do we go? What are we?
So many questions…
Well, there was a point I just pretended they were no longer there. I did like everyone else I knew and got on with my life – better not to think of such grand life mysteries.
Luckily for me, I chose a very intense way of learning more about the absolute truths of infinity.. My way was, and still is, LOVE.
I decided love was to show me the way and guide me into light itself (I’m only aware of my choice at present.. it wasn’t so clear in the past).
Enough with the philosophy talk.. let me try and get practical here .. If you read one of my previous articles and discovered my Valentine’s day odyssey, you will be familiar with my heart having a voice of its own and becoming an actual moving power.
So I had some sort of revelation about love, how it actually works when it comes from the heart, and how it liberates your soul..
See, I have been in love so many times.. and every time I had a different lesson to learn, many times I learnt nothing , many times it was just pain (and in those times pain was the teacher).
However, this time pure unconditional attachment-free love is the master and professor of my life learning experiences.
Let’s rewind.. to a week ago.
Tuesday evening, 24th of February, I was on my way to meet this person.. The one who triggered this nuclear chain of events.
Life has this way of teaching and showing us things, even when we assume we have it all figured out, it will show us another aspect that we didn’t quite know was there, or was even possible.
I’m a rather stubborn person. I used to be terrible, now I’m just stubborn (I’m sure along my path I’ll have much to learn about this particular subject).
When I’m convinced a person no longer deserves my love and attention, I completely move on and don’t look back, not even if a part of me says it might be a mistake. Now, I know this reaction is led by fear and Ego, trying to protect my feelings.
The truth is that if you have truly moved on, there is no need to avoid, run or ignore an ex, because they will no longer affect you. If you had to take measures to remove this person from your life and away from you, it’s because they still have some power over you and maybe you haven’t learned what you were supposed to.
… I’m making a point there I promise …
The fact is this: I honestly thought this guy was on his way out of my life and this door was just about to be closed forever.. I didn’t want to have anything to do with him.. no friendship or any kind of contact .. He has already moved on and there is no point in keeping in contact.
I was so very sure and very happy to say goodbye once and for all, wish him all the best and tell him how much I wish him well. So I can be totally open to new people in my heart.
So I’m on my way to meet Mr Nuclear (having in mind it would be a quick one), collect my favourite book “Awareness” by Anthony De Mello – which I bet he didn’t even open in the last 3 months – and say goodbye.
So, he says “ Hey, my meeting has been cancelled. Do you have plans? Should we have dinner?”
I wasn’t sure what to say, as I didn’t want to spend much time with him. It was a bit pointless, I thought..
But being polite and all, I told myself “surely it won’t kill me”, plus I have some things I would like to tell him..
We ended up at Vinoteca in Farringdon. If you are a Londoner, you might know the place. It has a rather cosy atmosphere – but this is far away from the point.
As we sat facing each other …. Discussing how things ended, it was hard to hear him as I was trying to focus and not let my tears come out … The whole event was very civilised, but there was something else, a feeling I’m still learning about … The feeling of doing exactly what I was meant to be doing according to my destiny and soul…
I went on and told him how much I have been through in my spiritual journey since I had met him, so many doors have been opened and how happy I am. In fact, I have never been happier and so sure of who I am and what my life purpose is.
I found my soul mission, and guess what, that’s one of the reasons you are able to read this article … because I now know what my soul desires, and this is only a small part of how I wish to communicate with the world.
He opened so many doors… I was trying to explain to him about karmic contracts and this feeling of knowing him from before incarnating on Earth. The look on his face always amuses me… that “WHAT are you talking about?!” expression…
Does it mean HE Is The One? We are meant to be together? I have no idea what so ever…
I haven’t even had the chance to get to know him well in this life … (I want to, but only time will tell if I will). Would that be as friends or in a romantic way? Again, I have no idea!
The point is, it doesn’t matter … I love him for what he has done, I love him because I remember our agreement made before incarnating in this life … I love him with no reason for loving him, even though he has one thousand faults as well as his one thousand qualities. It is what it is. We both felt this ridiculous familiarity from the first day we met. It is something one can’t explain; it has to be experienced.
I love him beyond this life and I want him to be happy, with me or not, it really doesn’t matter.
I guess this is what happens when you surrender yourself to love. You set whom you love free, so you can experience Freedom itself.
“I have no fear of losing you, for you aren’t an object of my property, or anyone else’s. I love you as you are, without attachment, without fears, without conditions, without egoism, trying not to absorb you. I love you freely because I love your freedom, as well as mine” – Anthony De Mello
Your Soul grows into light and awe. You are in Love with Love itself. Your happiness doesn’t depend on the person, it never did, this love makes everything clear and bright and you find yourself within it.
On that Tuesday evening, I had another magical experience, not because of him, but because once again I was fully in my path feeling and following my truth wearing no masks and talking and flowing from my heart (if he is reading this he is surely saying, well he is the reason and the trigger of it all – it may be).
It seems like life still has some more lessons on this matter installed for me. What they may be, I don’t know, but I will be sure to share them all with you.
He said to me “Now What? It doesn’t feel like I’ll never see you again.. Don’t be a stranger, stay in touch”.
I still don’t know if he really meant it or not, or if I will actually even see him again..
As we walked out of the restaurant, we laughed about the whole thing, he said no one had ever written about him before.
I went to bed that night in peace, yet I kept waking up early in the morning and his face kept appearing in my dreams and morning meditation. I looked at the clock, it was 6:00 am, and I had that feeling.. that he was also going through the same sleep disturbance…
I texted him later that day and asked, already knowing the answer.. “Were you awake early this morning? On and off around 6:00 am?”
He said: “Yes”..
He doesn’t believe in these things.. But I know, I know what they mean.
I’m no longer in conflict, I’ve surrendered to it , I’ve surrendered to love.
“Loneliness cannot create love, it creates need. Love is not a need.Then what is love? Love is luxury. It comes out of aloneness, when you are tremendously alone and happy and joyous and celebrating, and great energy goes on storing in you. You don’t need anybody. In that moment the energy is so much, You would like it to be shared. Then you give, you give because you have so much, you give without asking anything in return – that is love …When the cloud is full of rain, it showers, and when the flower is full of fragrance, it releases its fragrance to the winds. Unaddressed, the fragrance is released. And the flower does not wait to ask “What is coming back to me in return?” The flower is happy that the winds have been kind enough to relieve him of a burden.” –OSHO
Thanks for reading,
Love and Light,