“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” _Rumi
“We are only as good as our worst, and only as perfect as our imperfections” _ Emina Gaspar Vrana.
So I ask myself what does it mean to be human?
And the answer I get is :facing your limitations, looking deep within yourself.
When I was a little girl I never knew I had such dark side inside of myself. Or maybe back then I didn’t yet had it, and this darkness grew bigger as a way to protect myself from all the pain and trauma I went through? Or maybe this is just an excuse for something that is already part of me, part of my karma part of my human life.
Today I wanted to talk about Self-Harming.
This crazy self-aggression, this anger that comes from deep down within. This madness that wants to attack others and yourself.
What is this?
Where does it come from? How is it even possible that this is inside of me, when all I want is to be good, is to show all my love, all my light, all my compassion, all my willingness to connect with others in the most beautiful way.
Where does this darkness comes from?
Why is it there? – I ask God.
What good is it for?
How can I begin to understand it?
Today after 10 years of being “clean” I face myself again. I face my biggest limitation, my biggest fear, the fear of not being in control of my darkness.
Self-harming is a theme not many people talk about, is such an ugly thing, everyone just wants to hide and brush it off. Especially the ones who suffer from it. Just like domestic violence and physical aggression. Yet some very beautiful souls suffer from such ailment.
I never knew how many of my beautiful friends had gone through such issue until recently. But I’m not talking about any of them , I’m here to talk about myself.
About my ugliness, about my flaws about my mistakes.
To tear down my ego into a millions pieces.
I’m no longer afraid to hide it from anyone , to show what is inside myself.
Yes I have this side, when I’m lost it can get really bad, I can end up hurting myself physically so the pain my heart is feeling, the noise in my head , the confusion, can finally stop.
It’s such a chaos to let this side of me out, because deep down all I really want is to be held, to be heard, to be loved, to be accepted. and instead I start to self-sabotage and to lose myself.
The funny thing is after all this self-work, after helping so many people to find their light, after being a so called “healer” , a “teacher” , I too have to face my limitations.
But this time there is no space to hide, not even from the ones I love the most.
Total and true transparency! Yes, this is part of me.
Can I still love myself knowing this part of me is still alive inside of me?
Yes, I can.
Can I accept after all this self-work I still face moments where I don’t know what to do? Where I need help, where I need to confront all my beliefs? All my faith?
I simply have to surrender.
Surrender to God, and understand I’m still so small. That I’m still learning.
Even though I’m doing my best in life I have to accept as much as I might try to hide from everyone this issue is there. I have to be strong for myself to stand there for me and to love myself through it.
To also understand that I’m worthy of love, that there are people who will stand by my side no matter what, that there are people who will not run way from my darkness. They will see through it. They will have compassion and strength to hold my hand through it, and for that I’m forever grateful, because in this life there will be beautiful souls that will stand in the darkness with you until you can find your way back into light.
But the lesson here is to really surrender to give it all to God, to see I don’t want to hold on to this part of myself. To pray so vehemently to God and to bend on my knees and bowl my head asking for forgiveness, asking God to take this anger, take this pain, take this darkness away from me. To understand I don’t know what to do with it, that I don’t want to hold on to it. That I have to be so humble and so dedicated to my self-acceptance, that I still have so much to know, so much to give up.
So please God take it, take my heart, guide me through your grace I surrender to you. I am yours take my darkness and please let me free from it, because I’m so tired of hurting myself and hurting the ones I love.
So if you suffer from this problem. I here confide to you.
You can do this! Surrender, let go. You are not alone. Loads of people struggle with their darkness, be brave to see through it. Be brave to understand you are worthy of love, worthy of acceptance, and that there are people strong enough to stay by your side. To love you no matter what.
As humans our greatest gift is love, compassion and humility. To stand together to give each other strength to find our way.
Be courageous, all the answers are within yourself. All the love is within yourself. All the light is also there.
Be wise enough to see this is just a movie. That deep down, you are consciousness expressing itself and all this make believe theatre and drama of life isn’t even real.
Your true nature is Love, and you can always find your way back to yourself.
Thanks for reading.
If you have questions and comments feel free to ask. I haven’t figured it out how to deal with this myself , but together we are stronger. So ask away and I will do my best to share all I have learned about it.
Love and Light,
“The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” ― Jalaluddin Rumi,
I often wonder what keeps people together.
What is the damn bond … the magical invisible string that ties one to another?
I also used to think doing things in the same way was the issue keeping me from actually understanding more about love and emotional satisfaction.
But wait, since I have changed everything, even myself, I have done everything different … and tried and tested with all sorts of different situations.
Still I’m yet to experience, in a flash, what I know to be true love in my heart.
But those are even deeper topics for discussion.
Right now I’m just contemplating this question:
So what keeps the bond?
Is it something that can be controlled or is it totally random? Or even worse .. is it meant to be with the one person that is meant for you?
That’s rather unfair to everyone else … if you think there is only this one person who is a match to you …. Amongst 7 billion others …
You are then bound to find each other, and vague in search of this almost impossible quest … But isn’t this the biggest lie?
First of all let’s take a look at love .. and what love is .. I’m talking about true unconditional love; not falling in love with the things about the person .. but falling in love with the energy behind that identity… If so… Isn’t that energy within everyone?
Because if we are one, we are all the same energy being played over and over by different theatrical characters. But when you strip away identity, what is left is the immutable .. What is left is raw, never changing, wholesome energy. Its source. The universe itself.
So… If we are falling in love, the least important thing is the person, the personality … I was happy to hear from Esther Hicks in one of her talks “ The person is irrelevant when you are in love”. Maybe it’s because when love comes it takes you so abruptly and strongly that you better have someone to become the object of your loving, or for you to use it as an excuse to connect to the energy.
I have done that before … a few times now .. Loved so deeply and used the identity of certain people to increase my connection to source, to go right up all the way to heaven and bathe in the love for everything, for everyone ….
Aw, that feeling of aliveness never compares to anything. It is being in love with God personified in one identity where you can focus upon … and the devotion that comes with it … Indescribable .. devotion not to the person ..but to the energy… Burning anything inside your heart, making it so pure you become a child again in awe with every moment .. every minute.
However, back to my question… In the realm of physical, and togetherness; in the realm of flesh and bone … I’m yet to share this unstoppable force with someone that can surrender to it.
Or even to make love with one physical body and remain together .. bound by that string…
I’m not talking about sex here. Those are very different things. I’m talking about energy … about getting absolutely lost in each other and not even knowing where one begins and the other ends.. I’m talking about true connection, true love … And I’m yet concerned that maybe what I believe to be true might be just a myth of my own imagination. That this kind of connection is not possible, that humanity might not yet be ready for it.
Or maybe I am just so damned blessed and cursed, all at once for knowing this kind of thing exists, but this might be a secret to mankind; and if there are a few out there that might begin to grasp what I am really talking about … It would be nice to know they do exist.
Sacred sex, where love is the note guiding each one into the truth of each other… This is no joke, it is a ceremonial thing. That’s how man and woman should connect, falling in love with God inside each other’s eyes …. Falling in love with life itself, contained in each other’s body. A touch so soft that could melt away any pain, any fear..
And yet where is the glue? … That brings those 2 people together to be fearless to experience the only thing worth living for?
Thanks for reading,
“Isn’t it time to turn your heart into a temple of fire?”_ Rumi
Tic tock, I look at the clock and guess what! I’m still alive. This has been my current trend of thought since watching the Sadhguru’s video explaining that death will come very naturally to everyone on this planet. Funny observation as too many of us humans spend their lives practicing being dead, stiff like corpses … lacking gratitude and awareness for the gift of being alive.
So what have you been doing? Are you cultivating this aliveness within yourself? Or are you choosing to march around closing your eyes to life.
I for one am having an overload of delightfulness, extreme curiosity for all the colors of life and everything it keeps bringing me. It is sometimes a challenge to tame my thirst for savouring everything and everyone all at once. I am afraid I might swallow the world and just explode into particles of desire. Or maybe, I’ll turn again into Kali , running around cutting demons’ heads off. In the hopes Shiva might come at my aid to control all this madness, all this energy. I’m running on kundalini , prana , life force and so is everyone on the planet – except I’m very aware of it, of life playing through my bones.
My heart is burning, it’s on fire, looking for more than it has ever had. Anything or anyone that does not share the likes of this intensity is rapidly torn apart from it. The fire is too great, I can barely control my focus. Everything is wanted, needed invited…
I want it all and I want it now, chaos, chaos, chaos …. Delightful madness of chaos and sincere abrupt explosions of emotions.
The dancing of life has become rather fast… The drumming is so loud my body follows it without questioning. My mind can barely keep up with the strength of my thirst. Poor mind, trying to help .. but nothing is to be done when the fire has taken over…
What to do? If not observing this circus… Looking for moments of divine clarity and jumping into them. Following the impulses of life as they command my temple of Self. Aware of the dance, but way too busy dancing to pretend I can control my moves.
Run through me fire of consciousness, take me with you, I’m tired of fighting the rhythm…
Because I know this is momentary. Because I know just as this fire burns strong …I know soon, there will be only stillness.
In the center of the tornado… there, I will stand still in my own Self-awareness. The weather is part of me, but not all of who I am.
So we dance in the fire. For now.
Flaming heart of aliveness, I salute you with all my love.
“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames” _ Rumi
Thank you for Reading.
Love and Light,
A friend once brought up a question, an observation, about the fact that only a full self-realized being could truly love. That normal people are often not capable of truly loving. This observation stayed with me for a while. I had to go deep within myself to fully understand my own perspective about this.
And to be happy to fully disagree.
See, love is the very thing that permeates the all. Therefore, by definition we are that. We are this energy, and this divine essence is what brings us into being, so every single one of us, deep down, in our essence, knows what love truly is.
We might be here in this body afraid of finding out who we truly are because that threatens our independence, we are afraid of our own light. However, love is present in every choice we make, even the ones that appear to be led by negative frequencies such as fear.
If we dig deep in every action we will see love is the motive, because one might be coming from the illusion of not having love, not feeling the flow of love, or because one is open, willing to share this energy with the world in every single aspect of their lives.
The point is, every day there are non-realized beings acting from that place. Because miracles are everywhere, that’s a fact. In the way you smile, in a deep breath you take, in a chance you take to change your life, in a simple act of kindness, in the love of a parent, in a caring friend, anything that resonates with that frequency is that frequency even when we don’t realize the power of it, even when we fail to see it daily… We are all acting in sync with God, aware or not, we are part of the making. And here we are playing a part in the illusion. It is very hard to see from one single perspective that true love is reflected in every single particle of life.
Perhaps a fully realized being would be able to see that everywhere. But perhaps a fully realized being would also know how little gestures, little miracles, powered by true crystalline love are present in every day of our lives, is the very fuel that keeps this reality into motion.
I might be totally out of my head but I’m pretty sure that when God looks at us all it sees is love. Even when we are in anger, in pain or fear. Why do we insist in making such distinction between ourselves when are all the same force? Why do we chase so much to be something we already are? Just so we can be once again one with love, one with God. But if there is no such separation, just the perception of it, we can begin to have the awareness about our truth and be able to observe true love in every single being.
This is what I choose to believe in. This is what I choose as my truth.
To be able to see that through any suffering, to be able to see love in all circumstances, to believe in the power of love and to surrender to it daily.
Thanks for reading.
Love and Light,
Here is a thought led by heart.
Nature is perfection. God, as the great creator of all things has created the human experience. We belong to many worlds at once and in this experience we can discover and remember who we are in our totality. By the act of finding Truth in the Love that moves all things in nature and in the different worlds we are linked to.
Mind, ego, personality are things that enable this experience. They are precious gifts given by the Great Creator, just so we can have the joy of finding our Truth in the Love that we are. Instead of negating any part of our totality, inviting one to shower any aspects of separation with love might lead you to see how beautiful your mind, given to you by God, is. Because it allows you to create the dream you are living right now and to experience this life in the way it is. Your ego too has an important service to you, without it you would be still merged into the cosmic soup, but when you shower the ego with the pure love of light, given to you by God to find out how perfect you are, the ego loses its negative aspects and becomes another important and special note in the perfect symphony of creation that is you.
It’s your personality that carries the story of you, and the traits you will find within yourself so you can discover the joy of being way more than your identity. Then you can start remembering your other identities. The collective of identities you have been in the past lives you lived that make part of your cosmic story. Then you can find out the collective of souls you make part of beyond those identities.. You can discover different aspects of yourself.. in different dimensions, in different worlds, you can become more of your own totality and discover more of your truth.
You may also go beyond all that and discover your Nothingness and your Real Truth.
So from that place although thoughts, feelings, forms, time, space or identity might not exist..
From that place, you will see the perfection of the All of Creation.
There will be no need to fight the ego or condemn the mind.
So why not practice that Now?
Be the love you are in all aspects of your life if you are going to spend time debating about those things or putting your energy into a spiritual path.
Practice the act of being Truth, and simply Be Love.
No more rejection, no more. Because all is perfect. Because all is well.
Be Aware of who You Truly Are.
Thanks for Reading,
Love and Light.
Laboratory scientist Dean Radin describes an experiment testing the relationship between mind and matter. In this experiment, random number generators are used to test whether collective human attention corresponds to a change in the physical environment.
Watch this amazing video and learn how thought affects matter and how it can be quantified as means of consciousness being analysed in data collection experiments.
Read more at http://consciousness-app.com/
Thanks for watching.
Love and Light,
In recent days/weeks/months many of us have been experiencing tremendous transformation, growth and expansion in so many ways and on many levels. Generally, this is what the last couple of years and the next few are all about, yet from a linear time perspective, it feels like the energies have been building up momentum for something greater, something we are all participants of, and it involves every single atom in the world. It’s not one single moment in time as we know it that changes everything, it’s a series of moments during which we establish strong foundations for the “new earth” to be experienced in much more tangible ways than it has been until now. All roads lead to that, even though at times it might seem like the opposite. The heart sees with great clarity, where the wounded mind can’t reach.
But for now, let’s stick to our current energy dyanmics. On the 20th of June, we have a full moon in Sagittarius and the Summer Solstice altogether. This great astrological combination, synergised with our own individual gateways holds a huge potential for transformation and we are being presented with an opportunity make revolutionary quantum leaps individually and collectively.
Dates are not important. This cosmic orchestration does not work in the time structure we have created. We use dates as reference points, but what’s truly important as we move through all these cosmic events is our state of being, where we are in our journey, the receptiveness and openness we have, the choices we make and our willingness and dedication to stepping deeper and deeper into our pure authentic nature as humans. One way or another, every single atom is being affected in the most beneficial ways by the incoming releases of higher vibrational energy. No stone is being left unturned. The energy of the Solstice and the full moon will continue to be present in our fields in the weeks to come, supporting us in releasing that which no longer serves us from the deepest levels.
This will be experienced uniquely by each individual, but the main theme is “rewriting” all our past experiences, wipe the slate clean and all the residual we might hold from the past, while simultaneously creating the space within and without for experiences that encompass more of who are truly are and where we are in our journey. Transmutation.
We can’t create that if our current state and energy fields are being hindered by old density/residual. Density sneaked into many areas of our lives, as we allowed it. The old matrix our world has been built upon for the last thousands of years has gotten more complex in time, but now a new one has been and is being put in place. We have been revealed and constantly reminded of the ways we can outgrow the old matrix/the illusion throughout time. Yet, we are being presented with choices. There always was and there always is one. The gate is wide open, yet the choice is ours to either enter or play a little more in the old. The way “out” of the old is through. Facing fear/s. Unifying all we are as humans and growing and maturing through it. Fear was/is a great teacher, yet the answer and key to it all truly is love.
There are a multitude of facets of ascension and during this time, our focus will turn towards the ones where growth is most required. In our outer reality, some might find themselves more focused on their purpose, “work,”shifting directions, expanding into that area, while others will focus more on the experience of relationships, creating partnerships that benefit all one way or another, others will choose to cocoon, to spend more time in their personal “cave”with the mere purpose of connecting deeper within themselves, with their core and bringing forth that essence into their beingness in the now. These outer reflections/creations are always being created in such a wondrous way that benefits us and our growth best.
All facets are beautifully inter-connected, yet at given times more of our focus might be given to a specific facet that requires expansion.
The full moon in Saggitarius will give us the boost we need to move forward into the next phases of our evolution with joy, excitement and a childlike playfulness. Often times, we get too serious and pragmatic in our journeys that we forget we are here to enjoy every single moment of our waking times. We are here to explore the many enriching experiences life on Earth provides us with and play, play in creation. If we find ourselves seemingly disconnected from the frequency and state of joy, we have to stop, take a step back and connect to the inner child aspect that is in all of us. Often times, that is perceived as running away from responsibility and to escape their reality. That is not the intended purpose. To connect with our inner child in a mature way, simply means adopting a playful attitude towards our experiences and bringing forth that innocent pure love, joy, passion, and playfulness in whatever we do and wherever we are. Reflect on this question: what is the meaning of living life on Earth if we don’t make the best of every present moment ?
Yes, there are dark nights of the soul, we may have many, but even the darkest night of the soul is temporary. In those moments, it is even more imperative to allow our inner child to come out and engulf us in pure joy. Surrender.
Seriousness and playfulness have to hold hands and dance together as one for us to be able to live life on Earth at its full capacity. The same goes for all other polarities, whichever form they take in our experience.
That is the message today. Unification. Soulful creation. You can do it. You can be it, if only you dare to.
Love and warmest hugs,
The first episode can be watched here.
The second episode can be watched here.
The final part of Professor Jim Al-Khalili’s documentary series about the basic building block of our universe, the atom. He explores how studying the atom forced us to rethink the nature of reality itself, discovers how there might be parallel universes in which different versions of us exist and finds out that ’empty’ space isn’t empty at all. Al-Khalili shows how the world we think we know turns out to be a tiny sliver of an infinitely weirder universe than which we could have conceived. (Excerpt from main website)
Thank you for reading and watching,
Love and Light,
Next event is the 9th of June at 06:30AM.
The secret venue will be held at:
47-49 Tanner Street, SE1 3PL London, United Kingdom
Facebook event page: Secret Sunrise London Vol. 3
A secret venue, a crazy dress-up theme and wireless headphones createsthe perfect setting for a little bit of ridiculousness and a whole lot of fun.
Individuals come to Secret Sunrise to be guided in a free spirited dance class that promotes connection, interaction and self-expression. The ‘suggestive’ instructions allow you to express yourself and interpret the session in whatever way possible.
As the music fills your headphones, your safe place is created. The session begins in a slow but uplifting way and you are encouraged to look inwards and set your intention. You become aware of yourself in this space surrounded by others but essentially you are encouraged to focus on being present before you can start interacting. The beat begins and you start to notice others around you smiling as they dance by, genuinely excited to make a connection through a look, a touch or a shared dance move. The Session elevates to a point of euphoria as we find connectedness with ourselves and one and one another. By the end of the hour you are content in the realization that you can still be filled with this level of uninhibited childlike fun. You have claimed your little piece of the joy to take with you into your day.
Secret Sunrise is a community that encourages dreamers, adventurers, non-dancers and dancers alike, young and old to come and immerse themselves in this early morning journey. Sharing the joy through a blend of yoga, meditation, make believe and free dance.
Next event is the 9th of May at 06:30AM.
The secret venue will be held at:
Facebook event page: Secret Sunrise London Vol. 3
Limited pre-entry tickets only. No tickets will be sold at the door.
** Early Bird tickets £10 (limited)
** Normal Bird tickets £12
Tickets available at: http://qkt.io/hwfA0Z
Wireless headphones will be provided.
All ticket holders will recieve an email within 24hrs of the event revealing the location details and everything you need to know.
The session will begin at 6.30am. Please arrive at 6.00am to get your headphones.
Come #ShareTheJoy with us.
Contact us on secretsunriselondon@gmail.
Thank you for reading and see you there!
Love and Light,
The Power Within Us