Relationships are an intrinsic part of our lives, from the moment we come into this world, till the moment we leave it. Socially, it begins with the relationship with the mother that’s being developed from the womb, then the father, relatives, friends and so forth. We are always in some sort of social relationship. Because they are such an important aspect of our lives, they generally require more of our focus.
Particularly, in this article I want to address the reflective aspect of relationships and what that involves.
We’ve all done “the chase” at some point – the often times unconscious chase of that perfect relationships based on our individual ideas, needs and perceptions of perfect.
Generally, this chase is reflected in the search of a romantic partner that fulfills our needs and fantasies, may they be emotional or intellectual – we unconsciously believe that something is lacking in our lives, in ourselves so we start looking outward for it; we look for a partner with whom we’re going to spend our lives with, who’s going to make us happy. And we go on this rabbit hole of relationships, searching and searching, relationship after relationship and we still can’t find it, that thing we’re looking for, you know, THAT thing!
Some relationships bring some temporary happiness, and then it all falls apart, and we’re disappointed, and we hurt, and we suffer. But life moves forward, right ? So, we get over it, find a good break up song to pamper ourselves with, from the million break up songs that are out there and we jump into the next relationship with the same hopes and needs, but it’s still not making us happy. Damn it! “He/She wasn’t right for me.” we tell ourselves. Next.
And the loop goes on for as long as we let it. And it becomes a pattern. This chase is not only reflected in our relationships. We chase jobs, experiences, enlightenment and anything to make us feel better about ourselves. But what do we truly deeply search for in all these cases? Ourselves. We seek ourselves.
As cliche as it may sound, it is true – no matter what it is that we’re seeking, it is always in us. It might not be apparent, but when we allow ourselves to be present with it, to look deeper into ourselves, to see through the illusionary veils, to break through the walls of fear, to listen to the voice of our heart, the wisdom in our feeling.. it is there. You will find “THAT thing” there.
The reflective nature of relationships
We don’t even really deeply know what we’re chasing so much, THAT thing, because we don’t give ourselves permission to just be with THAT thing. Often times THAT thing invites us to look into the deepest, darkest corners of our hearts in order to liberate, to release and transform. But we don’t want to. We’re afraid. We’re afraid of pain, sadness. We judge them, we don’t want them. So we push it all aside, but they’re there. They will still be there tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow. We just become better at hiding and pretending it’s not there. This is one of the many ways we repress, until the glass becomes so full, we can no longer do that. And even then our lower minds might try to use all kinds of escapism methods, of distractions. Anything we can think of can become a distraction, we can make anything a distraction, anything that can keep us busy enough for us to not face ourselves in all our grandeur, in all we are.
But eventually, all our bottled fears and wounds will be reflected back to us one way or another and that’s one of the many gifts relationships bring to us, even if it might not look like a gift at all in the moment. Generally, they shows us the way, they light up the path to self-love.
Yet, if we ignore what’s right in our faces, blinded by mental constructs (fear) not only our growth is hindered, but we’re also basically saying “No, thanks!” to a priceless, not always apparent gift the Universe is giving to us – the gift of clarity.
The healing and transformation
Relationships can be challenging. They generally are, whether they are taking the shape of romance, friendship or family. That’s not a “bad” or “good” thing. It’s just a fact. They trigger emotions in us that we would not normally be aware of, they awaken parts of us that might’ve been dormant, whether those parts seem “negative” or “positive.” They challenge our beliefs, our perceptions and peak on our fears. In less words, they eventually help us grow and expand as individuals.
That is because our inner world is being reflected in our relationships. Our internal world/general vibrational state will naturally create the relationships that benefit our soul/human growth most.
They lead back within, they point to the aspects within ourselves that need to be acknowledged, embraced, matured, to (often times unconscious) outdated beliefs, masks/identities that need to be transformed, to releasing emotional wounds and, in general, layers of fear.
The reason why relationships are organically healing and transformational is that they all lead to the most important, intimate, profound relationship we will ever have – the relationship we have with ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves acts as a template for the creation of the relationships we have with others and with everything, with all life.
Relationships point us, they guide us yet at the end of the day we have to be willing to face ourselves as uncomfortable as it might be, to choose to be with ourselves fully, wholly, humanly, cosmically. That’s when the most profound healing and transformation can occur and it is something that naturally occurs; at the right time, when we are ready, when we choose and allow.
When we surrender.
Thank you for reading,
Love and Light,